Head Games


I am in Mazatlan. Mexico. With my bike. My heavily-laden bike. And having a bit of a melt-down.

I arrived a little less than a week ago and spent a few days in a nice little hotel in the Historic Centre part of Mazatlan: nice, friendly, low-key. I went out on the bike for a pleasant 40-ish km ride to make sure everything had survived the flight intact. And to test my reassembly as it came out of the box.

Then I relocated to a hotel on the Malecon, for a different experience. A mistake. Touristy, not really appealing. But that's not my problem. Not my big problem.

I'm here primarily to have fun, do a bit of riding, a bit of exploring and to enjoy the winter away from the cold and snow of Canada. (Unfortunately, that also means away from the warmth of my wonderful Bev.) My initial plan is/was to ride up to Durango, 300+ km away, but I am now overwhelmed by the enormity of that task. The route is seriously hilly: I will have to ride/walk up 9000 metres for a net gain of 2000 m. Accommodation is variably spaced but much of it is more than one day's progress (for me) apart. I have a tent and sleeping bag so that is not an issue. Food and water are more of a concern. 

My first day should be fine: 40 km and level. Then a shorter day with some climbing. The third day is a bit more challenging, to Copola I think, where camping can be arranged. Then a hard day for anyone and, I suspect, at least two for me. Copala to El Palmito. 54km 2400m climbing. For context, at the end of previous tour, relatively riding fit and several years younger, it took me 2 full days to climb 2600m with a similarly loaded bike in India. 

My Spanish is virtually non-existent but sign-language has been my saviour in the past. And I'm sure I'll improve my vocabulary as I proceed. But, essentially, I'm scared sh!tless! Waves of panic attacks wash over me and I am currently hiding away in the safety of my hotel room. I struggle to get food down. In two days, I start.

So, I tell myself, just think about one day at a time. And I'm good with the first few days. It will be a test, for sure: for my resolve, for my knees (which have caused problems this year, even on a flat tour), but doable. After that, it's a bit of a gamble. If the worst comes to the worst? I can probably catch a bus up to Durango. Or ride back down to Mazatlan and find a bus from here. 

I've had a similar meltdown to this before, setting off on the Great Divide when mentally rather than (just) physically unprepared. I bailed on that one. I don't want to bail (so soon) on this one. 

I'm writing this down to help assuage my fears. It's not working. 

Just ride one day. Find a hotel. Spend a night or two. Repeat. Why does it seem so hard?

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